New Zealand

My heart goes out to the families of the 49 people brutally massacred in two New Zealand mosques yesterday.  And to the greater Muslim community everywhere, who must be sharing this pain very deeply. And to the people of New Zealand, who surely feel the way we do when this horror strikes in the U.S. on an all too frequent basis--sad, afraid, and ashamed.

In spite of all my listening, I still cannot understand is why radicals on the hard fringes of any spectrum of belief feel they need to kill innocent people to make their point. I guess if someone is hurting and alone and desperate for meaning in life and power over something, anything, then maybe spreading pain and hate is a way to process that. I try really hard to understand the perspectives of others because I think it's a prerequisite for addressing our differences, and maybe I can imagine the individual motivations of a sick person, but I struggle to wrap my head around how mass-murder is supposed to further anyone's cause.  It enrages radicals on the other side. And then how will the cycle of violence ever end?

Probably only in the long term through all of us who care about these issues promoting understanding, respect, inclusion, justice, human dignity, and love.  Wherever and whenever we can.  As loudly and calmly and bravely as we can.

And because no one person can understand what it's like to be all the other people, that means we'll need to be ok with doing this in our own sometimes awkward, but hopefully always sincere, kind of way.  And keep listening and learning, and get better at it, and make mistakes and then try again. And know that it will be a life-long journey.

One that I personally am committed to.

peace,
Ingrid

Standing in solidarity after massacre in Pittsburg

My sister and I decided to #ShowUpForShabbat tonight in solidarity with our Jewish friends and neighbors because we cannot stand by silently and let hateful violence take over this country that is supposed to be a beacon of hope and tolerance, a model for the world. This was very personal for us, and we found attending this Solidarity Shabbat service both beautifully moving and painful.

The rabbi tonight offered some words that I jotted down to share with you:

We have ceased to be ourselves.  Shall we sit shiva for America?  

We cannot stand idly by while our neighbor bleeds. An attack on one of us is an attack on all of us.

We demand an America that lives up to its promise...for all people.

Tonight we hold hands and proclaim our humanity. We shall not lose hope.

In spite of the rise in violence and frightening nationalistic rhetoric, I am not losing hope.  I am hopeful that on November 6 we will show those mistaken and misguided brethren in political power that unleashing prejudice, violence, and hate in this beautiful melting pot is NOT OKAY. That standing by silently for political expediency means you don't get to represent us anymore.  That some questions are simply deeply ethical and they must rise above politics or career advancement.

Elections aside, I also remain hopeful that the welcoming and tolerant sprit of every day America remains a strong current... In spite of the ugliness that is being shouted at us from on high. I know America is filled with love and before too long the sun will shine again.  But we must insist it be so. That means speaking out loudly against all forms of prejudice wherever we encounter it.

Ingrid (with Erika)

Charlottesville

Like so many of you, I have been saddened, incredulous, disappointed, and afraid for the heart and soul of our nation in recent days.  Charlottesville had a beautiful peaceful candlelight vigil tonight that moved me (and Anderson Cooper) to tears.  It was healing and helped me remember that the vast majority of Americans are as horrified as I am and many are feeling renewed in our dedication to advancing justice and equity.

I also believe that most of us are trying our best to frantically find and rip out the prejudices we harbor as we see them arise in our hearts in the course of daily life.  I know that these prejudices have been taught to us from an early age by a society around that is still fundamentally unjust.  In many ways, these weeds in the garden are not our fault.  They were planted by others. But we are not victims, especially those of us who are blessed with privilege. In fact, we have a great responsibility to be self-aware, improve our perspectives and postures toward others, and strive to advance justice every day.

I am going to try to set aside these feelings of panic, fear, and sadness and instead feel motivated to do better as a person, inspire the youngsters around me to cherish our diversity and strive for justice, and advance the cause of freedom and equity whenever I can.

peace,
Ingrid

Mandela's birthday

On Nelson Mandela's birthday, I'd like to share a quote that is circulating around the web and that I find inspiring:

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”  -   Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

thanks, Ingrid

Happy St. Patrick's Day

As we celebrate all things Irish-American today, let us reflect on the fact that not so long ago a wave of Irish immigrants were treated with suspicion and disregard by existing residents of this land, even though all of us had come over on some boat or another not too long prior. And yet today it is difficult to imagine anyone in mainstream America expressing prejudice toward an Irish-American because of their heritage or religious affiliation. In fact, many of us without a drop of Irish in our blood celebrate this day with genuine enthusiasm.

We are indeed an adaptable species with a great ability to accept our differences and cherish our diversity, when we set our minds to it. I hope we use today as an opportunity to reflect on the struggles of a new generation of immigrants, the vast majority of whom are good, honest, hard-working families who seek the same freedom and opportunity that many of our forefathers were chasing in their journeys across a vast ocean. While my faith in this Congress to work together and find common ground on the great issues of our day continues to be very low, I hold out hope that it will pass immigration reform before too long that provides justice and peace, acceptance and opportunity for all the otherwise law-abiding, hard-working people who are living in the shadows for no good reason, other than an out-of-date set of public policies. Bringing them into the light would be good for all of us.

I raise my Irish ale in a toast to all who are working on immigration reform for this generation of newcomers. May your efforts be successful.

Ingrid

Moderates versus Extremists

Hi folks,
Many of us have been upset by the events in the Middle East in recent weeks. I, for one, am frustrated that a bunch of idiots on various sides of totally wrong-headed and hateful ideologies are harming innocent people who are trapped in the middle [and reinforcing incorrect stereotypes about both Americans and Muslims in the Middle East].

Anyway, here is a great article that was printed in the Washington Post a few days ago.  I think the end is really powerful.  Please go to the excellent original here:  http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/religious-extremists-are-picking-a-fight/2012/09/14/19222eaa-fea0-11e1-b153-218509a954e1_story.html

thanks, Ingrid

A fight against religious extremism

By Ahmed Salah, Published: September 14

In the dawn of 2011, I and thousands of my fellow Egyptians took to the streets in the name of justice, equality and freedom. Along with protesters in Tunisia, Syria, Libya, Yemen, Bahrain and other Middle Eastern countries, we challenged the conventional wisdom in the West that brutal strongmen were the only leaders able, and indeed necessary, to keep a lid on Islamic extremists. We showed the world a liberal vanguard ready and able to move the Middle East toward a peaceful and bright future.

Inevitably, this message has been challenged. Even before the attacks on the U.S. diplomatic missions in Egypt and Libya, some Americans had begun to question whether our vanguard is a mirage, given Syria’s slide toward civil war, the Muslim Brotherhood’s electoral victories in Egypt and ultraconservative Islamists’ demands on democratic governments. It is the extremists whose actions precipitated those attacks, however, who I fear may succeed in killing the promise of our revolution.

The events of Sept. 11, 2012, began with extremists in the West — not the Middle East. Last week’s attacks were carried out by people enraged at a film that insults the prophet Muhammad. While the origins of the movie are not yet clear, we do know that the video was created and filmed in the United States. Terry Jones, a pastor in Florida infamous among Muslims for publicly burning copies of the Koran, also independently promoted it.

I do not use the word “extremist” lightly. Muslims did not object to the movie only because it portrayed the prophet or because it “criticized” Muhammad. Instead, it portrays Muhammad as bloodthirsty and deranged, creating religious teachings to spread deplorable practices and satisfy his sexual urges. The film’s backers did not aim to criticize or educate. Their aim was the goal shared by all extremists: to spread discord, hate and violence.

Until recently, this film was irrelevant. It should have stayed that way. But extremists in the Middle East saw it as a means to an end. In Egypt, two privately owned satellite channels, il Hekma (“Wisdom”) and il Nas (“The People”) spent hours describing the film and using Jones’s plans to screen the film to suggest that all Americans planned to do the same. They aimed to inflame Egyptians and, in a poor country with an illiteracy rate of 30 to 40 percent, they succeeded.

Discussion of the film spread to effectively all Egyptian media, and soon protests were planned.
A crowd of about 2,000 Egyptians gathered in front of the U.S. Embassy in Cairo. A small minority stormed the embassy, tore down and set fire to the American flag, and raised a black flag that reads, “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet.”

In Libya, the consequences were much worse. Extremist elements hostile to the West and the Libyan revolution used the protest to stage an attack on the Consulate that, as we all know, killed four Americans, including the ambassador.

President Obama has vowed that those behind the Libya attack will be brought to justice. I share this goal. But it cannot be enough. Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has criticized Obama for being too soft; however, if America’s only reaction to this event is increased antagonism toward the Muslim world, then the extremists on both sides have already won.

What I hope Americans will understand is that they are not alone. This is not a fight between “the Muslim world” and “the West.” It is not a fight between American values and Islamic values. It is a fight between moderates and extremists. It is a fight between everyone — American and Arab — who is working toward freedom, equality and co-existence vs. the counter-progressives in the Middle East and the West who are fighting to spread discord and hatred.

The Egyptian channels that picked this film out of relative obscurity to manipulate viewers and sow discord are the same channels that resist the goals of Egypt’s revolution. They, too, are our enemies. During the revolution and after, they labeled revolutionaries un-Islamic criminals. They took footage of my 2009 testimony before Congress, in which I denounced the Mubarak regime, and manipulated it to accuse me of treason against Egypt. They work against the silent majority of Egyptians who, while sensitive to the dignity of their religion, seek not quarrels but the opportunity to live a better life.

Many Egyptians reacted to Tuesday’s events with shock and dismay. We feared that we would seem to be celebrating the 9/11 attacks, and we worried that it would damage our relations with the United States and set back our own societies.

My message to Americans is this: Never forget that this fight is not yours alone. It is ours, too. Never forget that in the battle against extremism and the struggle for peace and justice, you are not alone. And remember that only by reaching out to those who risked their lives for the goals of the Arab Spring, rather than casting the entire region as an enemy, will this battle be won.

A little inspiration from history

Here are a few words from a great lady to remind us that everyday little acts of tolerance and kindness and respect add up and really matter...and for many of us are the most important change we can make in the world.  

peace, 

Ingrid

Roosevelt on Human Rights in the Small Places

Where, after all, do universal rights begin? In small places, close to home—so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerned citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.

–Eleanor Roosevelt, “The Great Question,” remarks delivered at the United Nations in New York on March 27, 1958.

SPLC report and an article in Parenting

Hi folks,
Happy spring. Here is a resource from the Southern Poverty Law Center's website tolerance.org that I believe offers a number of helpful pointers to parents.  I especially appreciate the focus on the Golden Rule, which transcends religion and politics and should, in its beautiful simplicity, be a universal guidepost for humanity.  If we only treated each other the way we ourselves want to be treated, just imagine the world we would live in.  Anyway, here is a link to the report Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice

http://www.tolerance.org/publication/beyond-golden-rule/beyond-golden-rule

Also, I just discovered in the May issue of the magazine Parenting a good article about teaching children to be tolerant and open minded in an increasingly multicultural world.  A link here:
Culture Blind - Parenting.com

thanks,
Ingrid

Difficult times

I has been difficult to read the news lately.  There are so many distressing headlines about prejudice leading to violence against innocent people around our nation and the world. We should all feel sad and ashamed of our fellow humans for behaving this way. Following my policy of only posting positive stories, I am not going to rehash the details or say anything more on these topics. You can find the specific stories on your own in the press. However, I am noting this flurry of media attention because I want to encourage reflection about the fact that spreading love and peace and tolerance continues to be so very important, for the health of our own souls and the shared spirit of our imperfect species.

Wishing all of you peace in your own lives.

Ingrid Irigoyen

Promoting Tolerance and Peace in Children

I just found this very informative article about promoting tolerance in children, focused on how to foster peace after a tragic event.

http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/tolerance_general.aspx

Promoting Tolerance and Peace in Children

Tips for Parents and Schools

National Association of School Psychologists

March 2002

A natural reaction to horrific acts of violence like school shootings and terrorist attacks is the desire to lash out and punish the perpetrators.  People who are angry or frightened often feel that the ability to “fight back” puts them more in control or will alleviate their sense of pain.  While anger is a normal response felt by many, we must ensure that we do not compound an already tragic situation and react against innocent individuals with vengeance and intolerance.  There is a tremendous risk of unfairly stigmatizing people—in this country and around the world— who may look like “our perceived enemies,” because of their apparent race, language, religion, the way they dress, etc.

Children, in particular, may have difficulty channeling their feelings appropriately and can easily pick up negative or demeaning cues given by adults around them.  Given the diversity of America’s schools, some students may become targets of hostility and blame. Bullying and harassment are never acceptable but they can be especially damaging when certain students or segments of society feel especially vulnerable. Parents and school personnel need to be prepared to quickly and effectively prevent and intervene in the presence of abusive behaviors toward any students. Such behaviors can only further contribute to the risk of violence in schools and communities.

Adults can help children understand the importance of treating all people with dignity and not judging groups of people for the actions of a few.  Most importantly, adults must model tolerance and compassion in their words and behavior. They should also encourage children to explore their feelings about prejudice and hate.  Doing so is not only critical to preventing further harm, but the process presents a potentially powerful opportunity for our young people to learn and incorporate into their values the true strength of our country—our commitment to individual freedom and upholding the respect and dignity of all people. 

Key Messages

1. Violence and hate are never solutions to anger.  Perpetrators of violence—against fellow students or against our country--cause tremendous harm because they act violently against innocent people out of blind hate.  We must not act like them by lashing out at innocent people around us, or “hating” them because of their origins, their appearance or their choice of dress.
2. Groups of people should not be judged by the actions of a few.  It is wrong to condemn an entire group of people by association of religion, race, homeland, affiliations or even proximity.  No one likes to be blamed or threatened for the actions of others.
3. America is strong because of our diversity. Known as the great "melting-pot" of the world, American democracy is founded on respect for individual differences. Those differences in culture, religion, ideas, ethnicity and lifestyle have contributed to the strength and richness of our country.
4. All people deserve to be treated with fairness, respect and dignity.  Certainly individuals that are proven to be guilty of a crime should be punished.  No matter how angry we are over these terrible crimes, our Constitution ensures fair and equitable treatment under the law for all Americans.
5. Vengeance and justice are not necessarily the same.  Justice means punishing the real perpetrators, not innocent people.  Hurting other children and neighbors will not make us safer, stop terrorists, or help punish students who harm or harass classmates. It will only add to the hate and anger, increasing the risk of further violence.
6. We are in this together.  People of all ethnicities are hurt by terrorism and other acts of senseless violence.  We need to support each other, comfort each other, and work together to help those most in need during difficult times.
7. History shows us that intolerance only causes harm. Some of our country’s darkest moments resulted from prejudice and intolerance for our own people because individuals acted out of fear.  We must not repeat terrible mistakes such as our inappropriate, often violent treatment and ignorance of minority groups.
8. We need to work for peace in our communities and around the world.  By reaching out to our classmates, friends, and neighbors from diverse backgrounds, we can help heal the wounds from tragic events and build stronger, more resilient communities.
9. Tolerance is a lifelong endeavor.  Although it is critical today to protect our classmates and neighbors from harassment, the issues of tolerance and inclusion go beyond this period in our national life together.  We must embrace these values towards all Americans for all time.  This includes all races, religions, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and those with special needs.

Tips for Parents and Teachers

1. Model tolerance and compassion. Children take their emotional cues from the significant adults in their lives. Avoid making negative statements about any racial, ethnic, or religious group. Reach out to your neighbors and colleagues who might feel at risk because of their ethnicity, religion or other traits.
2. Provide useful information. Accurate information about people, events, reactions, and feelings is empowering. Use language that is developmentally appropriate for children. Make sure that all information is factually true. This is especially important when news reports have negative statements about any specific group.
3. Avoid stereotyping people or countries. Children can easily generalize negative statements to students in their classes and community. Focusing on the nationality of terrorists or the affiliations or appearance of other perpetrators of violence can create prejudice, anger, and mistrust for innocent groups of people.  Be clear about your statements and biases, and help children understand their own prejudices.
4. Stop any type of harassment or bullying immediately.  Make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable.  Talk to the children involved about the reasons for their behavior.  Offer alternative methods of expressing their anger, confusion, or insecurity.
5. Address the issue of blame factually.  Explore who and what may be to blame for this event. Use non-speculative terms.  Do not suggest any group is responsible.  Do not repeat the speculations of others, including newscasters.  Do not encourage or allow random blaming; but understand that self‑blame may be a way for students to feel "in control" (something different they "could have done" or “could do" in the future). Be careful to ensure students from targeted groups do not assume blame in order to make classmates feel better. Blaming is especially difficult in terrorist situations because someone is at fault. However, explain that the actions of a few individuals cannot be blamed on any racial or ethnic group. Help kids resist the tendency to want to "pin the blame" on someone close by. In this country, we still believe that all people are innocent until solid, reliable evidence from our legal authorities proves otherwise.
6. Discuss how it would feel to be blamed unfairly by association.  Ask children if they have ever gotten in trouble for something a sibling or friend did and how they felt.  Would they like it if their entire class were punished for the actions of one student and if they think this would be fair? Older children might want to consider what would have happened if all white American males had been condemned for the Oklahoma City bombing.
7. Explore children’s fears. Even children who can describe what happened may not be able to express fears, questions, or describe assumptions or conclusions they may have made.  Use activities, role-playing, and discussions to explore their fears about the events and their feelings about various groups from diverse cultures or lifestyles.
8. Emphasize positive, familiar images of diverse groups.  Identify people of diverse ethnicities, religions and/or lifestyles that children know and who have a positive place in their lives. These could be neighbors, friends, school personnel, health care professionals, members of their faith community, or local merchants.  Discuss the many characteristics, values, and experiences the children have in common with these people.
9. Identify “heroes” of varying backgrounds involved in response to traumatic events.  These include firefighters, police officers, rescue workers, military personnel, public officials, medical workers, teachers, faith leaders, public figures, and regular citizens who work to help keep students, families, schools, and communities safe.
10. Undertake projects to help those in need with people from diverse backgrounds.  Helping others is part of the healing process.  Working with classmates or members of the community who come from different backgrounds not only enables children to feel that they are making a positive contribution, it also reinforces their sense of commonality with diverse people.
11. Discuss historical instances of American intolerance.  Internment of Japanese Americans after Pearl Harbor and the backlash against Arab Americans during the Gulf War are obvious examples.  Teachers can do lessons in class, but parents can also discuss the consequences of these events and encourage their children to suggest better choices that Americans can make this time.
12. Learn about the diverse communities and faiths represented in your area.  Knowledge debunks myths about other people and can humanize other cultures.  In school, have children share information about their family or cultural customs to reinforce the notion that all people have special beliefs and rituals.
13. Read books with your children or students that address prejudice, tolerance, and hate.  There are many, many stories appropriate for varying age groups that can help children think about and define their feelings regarding these issues.  The school or local librarian can make recommendations.