Raising Tolerant Kids

Here's an article  about one of my favorite topics, raising tolerant kids, that was recently posted on everythingmom.com  

thanks, Ingrid

http://www.everythingmom.com/behaviour/raising-tolerant-kids.html 

Raising Tolerant Kids

One of the most important lessons we can teach our kids is how special they are. We tell them they are unique, different from anyone else in the world. The difference is what makes them special. And we teach them it’s who a person is inside that matters.

As they get older and start spending more time with friends, they may try to emulate them or change for them. We step in. We encourage our children to be individuals, and we hope they don’t lose themselves. We tell them that they need to think for themselves, they need to stand apart. That it’s okay to be different. But do we really mean it? Do we celebrate difference?

Parents and Tolerance

Let’s show our kids that we celebrate difference even when we talk about other people. Let’s teach them that being different from the person standing next to you is a fact of life…we are all different. Yet it’s the person inside who matters.

Why not model tolerance for our children? Encourage them to befriend someone who looks different than they do. Show them that, the world over, people have different ways of eating, dressing, celebrating holidays, practicing a faith or not. Teach them that you can tell if people are a family more by how much they love and take care of each other, than you can by checking marriage certificates, looking for mommies and daddies to pair up or checking to see if siblings are related by blood.

Let’s teach them that there are lots of choices out there, and this is what we have chosen to do or believe. When a child asks why another child is in a wheelchair or acts differently than they expect, instead of saying “shhh, don’t talk about that child!” and hustling them away, let’s say “I’m not sure. Maybe if you two end up being friends, someday you’ll find out. Hey, I wonder if he likes Transformers, too?”

The reality is that bringing up our kids to respect differences opens them up to a better, fuller life simply because of the people they might meet. Showing them how to keep their minds and hearts open will allow them to do more, have more, be more. And isn’t that what we want for them?

Society and Tolerance

The responsibility does not end with parents. As a society, we need to show our kids, through all forms of media, that the world is filled with differences so those differences become the normal.

When I see a hit tv show like Glee depict a teenage boy in a wheelchair, and not just focus on the chair, but what he feels, his strengths and how he gets, loses, then gets the girl we see a person, not a wheelchair. He is more like the others than different.

When we watch TV shows and movies where same sex couples are shown as having committed, loving relationships and creating families of their own we see the love and attachment that makes a real family, no matter the gender of the parents. This acceptance goes for adoption as well…be it domestic or international adoption, whether the child and parents resemble one another or not, it doesn’t matter. When babies are placed in the arms of the people who will love them and raise them, no matter how they got there, they are a family.

When books and television teach children about other parts of the world, it gives me hope that we are building understanding from a very young age. Children who are raised to be politely curious and accepting of others will be more likely to reach out their hands later in life instead of closing their minds.

When I see Oprah running auditions to find the best idea and host for a new show, and I see that one young man has received almost 3.5 million votes to win, it makes my heart expand in a way I can barely describe. Why? He has a great smile, great charisma and a great idea. He also has cerebral palsy. But almost 3.5 million people want to hear what he has to say, and I think that’s amazing.

Why Tolerance?

In the end, we are so much more the same than we are different. We all have hearts that need love and connection to feel full. We have minds that want to grow and learn and experience the world. And we all want to feel good about ourselves as we walk this path we call life…no matter our age, gender, orientation, religion, ability or race. The world we shape today will be the world our children live in tomorrow, and if they are raised to reach out to one another, what a world it will be.